Red Mustang
by Senpai's Boo
Summary: Ayumi dumped me in college because of my anger issues. That's what Yoshiki Kishinuma has been thinking for 6 years before meeting his ex-girlfriend again. Even worse, she's engaged and doesn't want any sort of friendship with Yoshiki. However, Yoshiki starts to find out the deeper reason for why she ended their relationship, as well as feeling things he hadn't felt in 6 years...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Shit. I've been gone for almost a year. Sorry! It's just that I've been lacking inspiration, really. But I'm back now! And that's what matters! So I hope you'll enjoy another Ayushiki fanfiction! PLZ ENJOY ;3**

"Yeah so, I don't really want to … see you again," Azusa said, pressing her lips together nervously after she finished her sentence. And there she goes. Another girl, another disappointment. How come nothing ever goes as I hope it does? I don't have enough fingers to count them. The girls I've hoped to start a relationship with, but reject me after I ask them for a 3rd or 4th date. Asuka Takai was different I thought, because I had taken her out on dates almost 6 times already. I had hope, but of course this had to happen. "…Mm." I looked down at my shoes and ran my hand through my hair. "I just don't feel like you're very commited to me," she said. Commited? After 6 dates? She's scared of me. 100 %. Just like all of my former girlfriends. I don't blame them. Sharp silver-eyes and platinum blonde and totally not natural hair would definitely terrify the average japanese woman.

"So like, I have to stop texting you too?" I asked. "Um, yeah," she replied in a tone that said something like "Well, obviously". "Alright… So, bye?"I mumbled. "Bye," she said with a slight smile and walked out of the cafe, leaving her barely touched coffee cup. As well as me.

I sighed and sat back down in my chair. This can't go on. No matter what I do, it always ends like this. It's some kind of norm I can't escape. Yoshiki Kishinuma, a 26 year old music producer with anger issues can never get the girl! I thought my anger issues were completely buried 6 years ago, but during moments like these I can feel it float back up. Choking me.

My phone starts ringing, finally awakening some sort of movement in me. "Huh … Miki again," I muttered under my breath and answered it.

-Hello?

-How did it go?

-How did what go?

-The date! Is it official?

-No.

-Jesus… Did you seriously get dumped? Again?

-Uh-huh.

-What's wrong with you?

-Um…

-No literally, what's _wrong_ with you? I can't see why people wouldn't find you attractive.

-They find me scary. Not attractive.

-Yeah, yeah… Still, get yourself a girlfriend soon.

-Hmph.

-And get yourself a hot chocolate too. For me. Please.

-Huh?

-I'm at your place. Can you?

-Sigh. Sure.

-Thanks onii-san. Seeya!

And I wanted to leave right now. Welp, gotta do everything for lil sis.

The heat from the cup was comforting, despite it being summer and already pretty warm outside. I doubt that's why Miki wants a hot chocolate during summer, though. Actually, I have no idea why. Oh well. Can I go now? I brushed my spiky bangs away from my forehead and was about to make my way to the exit. Until I lightly grazed my eyes over the occupied tables one last time. I noticed someone. Someone who I hadn't seen in forever and never expected to see again. I couldn't even tell if I really wanted to see her or if I was getting sick to my stomach from seeing her.

The long dark-blue locks. The doe-eyes that drowned me everytime I dared to look into them. The petite physique and how scary skinny she was.

My ex-girlfriend from college.

I … I couldn't think straight. Even though we didn't live that far from each other, I hadn't seen her in 6 years. After she dumped me out of nowhere, I tried to contact her several times, but she refused to speak with me. Let alone meet me so that we could talk things out.

My mind was muddled with memories from college. So much so, that I didn't even realize that I had walked over to her. I was staring at her. Harshly. She looked even more shocked than me, but didn't say anything at all.

"…Ayumi?"

She jumped out of her skin. Just as vulnerable as I remembered. Adorable. "U-Um …" she stuttered out. What I really wanted to do was to ask her everything she didn't give me an answer to after we broke up. Attack her with many questions, angrily. "Do it!" I thought to myself. "Make her feel guilty! Make her pity you!"

"…Long time no see, huh?"

I mentally slapped myself. I didn't have the heart to yell at her. Not in a situation like this. She showed me an unsure smile and said: "… Yeah." She avoided my gaze. What was I supposed to do now? Sit down and talk to her more? Or just leave?

"… Can I sit?" I asked. She sighed, but eventually nodded. I sat down with an unusual straight back. Like I was afraid of looking too out of place. I had a lot of catching up to do, for sure.

"So, how have you been?" I asked. "Good," she simply said. "And you?" "Same here," I said, scratching the back of my head. "You haven't changed much." "I don't think I have either," she agreed. Who am I kidding? She has changed a lot. Her um … _curves_ have become a lot more prominent. Her hair is longer. She's gotten slightly tanner and her eyebrows are thicker. She wore more makeup than she did before. I could go on for ages, but all in all … She'd just gotten more mature. Not so much that it came as a shock. If anything … it made me think back on what it really was like, having this woman as my girlfriend when I'd just turned 20. We actually were together for 2 whole years, so I was pretty sure it was going to last for a while.

"Did you eventually get in the music business?" she asked. I nodded. "I'm a full-time producer now at Studio Lumi," I said proudly. She smiled. "I'm a computer engineer," she said. So typical of her. She was always the smart kid. I'd never been one. "So you're … bringing in the dough, huh?" I said, grinning. She rolled her eyes and somewhat laughed. "I do get payed, but not tons. I enjoy it, though," she answers. I smiled. It's an unwritten rule that all interaction with an ex is destined to be horrible, but this wasn't so bad. Mainly because we didn't talk about our relationship. The more I talked to her, the more I started to remember from our time in college. I even remember the day before she dumped me … Ugh, it makes me so guilty even to this day. She never said why she broke up with me, but I always assumed it was because of what I did the day before. This is dangerous. If this goes on, I'll definitely …

Crap.

I want to ask her out.

I know, I can't! She's an ex and she was the one who broke up with me! She's not into me, but … Seeing her now, all womanly and seductive, but still her adorable, smart and kind self… It makes me remember why I developed a crush on her in the first place.

"Ayumi … Maybe if you're free, we could go-

"Sorry for the wait, Ayumi!"

The voice of a cheerful sounding man immediately made alarms go off in my mind. A friend? A relative? Pft, who am I kidding … I'm just making a venomous trap for myself if I keep tricking myself with lies like this.

A man who looked around my age with brown hair, matching big eyes and tanner skin came towards us with a big childish smile plastered across his face. Ayumi turned around towards him with … the sweetest smile I'd ever seen on her.

Ayumi remembered me and said: "Ah Satoshi. This is a friend of mine from college, Yoshiki Kishinuma _." Friend_ , huh. Ouch. "Ah, pleasure to meet you!" he said and and stretched out his hand towards me. I hesitantly shook it. "I'm Satoshi Mochida!" Hmph. He's ridicoulosly childish. What's with this guy?

"Cough … Yoshiki, Satoshi is my fiance".

That hurt even worse than hearing her refer to me as a "friend from college". Ayumi. Ayumi who used to be mine and who I was just about to ask out was engaged? And to someone who was completely different from me? I unconciously looked down on her tiny pale hand and finally noticed it. A silver ring with a round diamond on it.

"Ah … Congratulations," I said with a forced smile. "Thank you so much! Oh Ayumi, have you invited him to the college reunion party tomorrow?" Mochida asked Ayumi. Uh … What? College reunion party? I looked at Ayumi who had an annoyed look on her face. Hold on … So they're having a college reunion and she didn't even invite me? Does she hate me that much?!

"I did," Ayumi said and smiled at me. "Right, Yoshiki?" That sneaky little vixen. Guess I have to play along. "Well yeah, but I can't really remember where and when," I said. She seemed pleased. "Our house at 8 PM. I'll text you the address later. If I may have your number, that is," she said. "Alright," I said. "Can't wait!" Mochida's arms were neatly wrapped around Ayumi's shoulders, making it hard for me not to imagine my own arms around her.

Stop.

Stop it.

I didn't notice it then, but the hot chocolate had already become cold.

 **A/N: Thank you so much for reading! UNTIL NEXT CHAPTER ;3**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: New chapter up and still glad to be back! PLZ ENJOY ;3**

"Welcome baaack, onii-san! Hope you brought my choco- Are you okay?"

I reached out my arm towards her, but couldn't bring myself to look at her. I had hoped she wouldn't notice my expression, but she already did. Shit.

She took the take-away cup and didn't hesitate to complain immediately. "What the … Why is it stone cold?" she asked. I didn't have the energy to answer her. I just wanted to lay down. And never get up. Just never. I faceplanted on my leather couch and didn't move at all after that. I was just so over it.

"Okay, what's going on?" Miki asked, sitting down next to my head. Oh god. She's my sister and all, and I trust her more than any other family member. Do I trust her this much, though?

"I … met my ex-girlfriend from college in the cafe," I started. Can't go back now. "And?" she asked. I continued: "She's engaged. And apparently she's having a college reunion tomorrow and she never contacted me to tell me about it or even invite me. Miki, she genuinely did not want me there!" Feeling my fingers trembling, I clenched my hands together. Miki narrowed her eyes at me. "What makes her different from your other exes exactly?" she asked me. I closed my eyes and thought back. Not just to when I saw her at the cafe. 6 years back. Back when she was mine. How it felt when I held her. When I talked to her. "Miki, she …" I started.

"Ayumi was the first serious and commited girlfriend I had. Back then, I really thought that she was the one who was going to be there forever. But then she dumped me, after a quite dramatic episode caused by me. I never heard from her after that. So seeing her 6 years later, I suddenly feel… like that hopelessly lovesick 20-year old again. It's scaring me."

Miki worriedly curled her eyebrows at me. It felt good to know that she understood me. "Are you still in love with her?" she asked. "I don't know," I honestly replied. "I think I'm just still a little bitter about how we parted." Miki sighed through her nose and put her arms behind her head, leaning back.

"You know what … I think you should still go," Miki said. I looked up at her. "While I do want the best for you, it's probably better to not get between the happy couple. I gritted my teeth together and nodded. It hurt to agree, but Miki was definitely right. "Show her that you've moved on and mingle with your other former female classmates," she said with a smug look in her eyes. "That is, if you _had_ other female friends." I rolled my eyes and mumbled: "Obviously I did. Don't get sassy with me." Miki laughed. "Alright, can you at least drive me home? In exchange for my wise advice?" she asked. "Sure thing, princess," I said sarcastically, pulling her up from the couch.

It was the next day. With a cup of coffee in my hand and my laptop in front of me, I found my way into Facebook. I know I was supposed to keep working with the new song I'm producing for that newcomer Yuuya Kizami, but I don't like putting my desires on hold.

I clicked on Ayumi'd profile, her profile picture looking like it was taken pretty recently. She was smiling with her pearly white teeth. Status; engaged. Looking through her pictures, she had been doing a lot of things that I'd missed out on. What could I do? I constantly called her and texted her, but she never replied. It really seemed like she didn't want me to exist anymore. I looked further through her pictures. She started dating Mochida 5 years ago, so just a year after we seperated. She moved in together with Mochida a year ago. She got engaged 3 months ago. Then I saw that photo.

It front of a rollercoaster while the sun was setting, his arms were around Ayumi's waist, their lips lost in each other. Her arms were tightly wrapped around his neck and her tiny self was standing on her tip toes.

It made me mad. I used to kiss those lips. She's not his. She's mine. Ayumi is mine!

 _ ***CLANK!***_

"Oh fuck!" I screamed when I felt the piping hot fluid pour out of the wide cracks on my coffee cup. Shit shit shit! The shards fell down on the floor along with streams of black coffee. I grabbed hold of my wrist and flicked off the shards that stucked to the palm of my hand. It was too late. Blood already started dripping out of the wide wounds. "Agh … How immature am I, geez!" I hissed out and ran off to the sink, pouring ice cold water over my hand.

This is scaring me. If just seeing them together like that made me crush a cup like that… Is it really safe to meet them tonight? The last thing I want to do is hurt anyone, even though I know I have a vicious surpressed anger inside of me. I turned off the fosset and went to the bathroom to wrap some bandages around my hand. Luckily it was my left one.

Better start getting ready in a few hours.

I fixed the last button on my red and black flannel shirt and straightened up the collar before looking at myself in the mirror. Alright, not bad. With my leather jacket and black shoes, this is going to look even better. I smirked at myself and winked. Go out and mingle with those ladies, handsome. I just need one last thing … Ah, there.

My favourite cologne, "Red Mustang".

I put it on for every special occasion and everybody loves it. Particularly my guy friends. I love it so much that I've used at least 3 bottles of this. I even used it back in college. No wait … I guess there was one person who didn't like that scent.

 _"Seriously, do you have to put on so much?"_

 _I put down the bottle and raised a transparent eyebrow at her. Ayumi had knitted her eyebrows together as she laid down on her stomach on my twin bed. Her twin tails hung perfectly over her sculpted breasts that were on display in her thin tank top. "What? I love it," I said, jokingly singing it out and wiggling my arms. "Pfft …" she softly giggled, but straightened herself up right after. "Really, it's too musky and strong. I don't like it," she said, rolling over so that she now was laying on her back. Her short and white legs were stretched out in the air, as if she was purposely tempting me._

 _"Strong and musky, huh? Doesn't that suit me?" I asked and smiled. She gave me a cheeky grin and shook her head. "Not at all. You're like … emo. A blonde emo," she said. "Pft. Who're you calling emo, miss?" I said and jumped into bed with her, digging my fingers into her sides._

 _"Eek!" she shrieked out, trying to shake herself loose. "Uh-uh, you're not going anywhere," I laughed out, blowing on her shoulder. "Geez … You're such a kid. Maybe that's why it doesn't suit you," she muttered, calming down. "Hehe … Did you like that?" I chuckled out. "Jesus, just stop!" she blurted out, making me laugh even more._

 _That girl can be honest when she wants to._

Completely still, I just looked at the round bottle for over 10 minutes before I actually used it.

I sort of lost contact with Earth.

 **A/N: Hope you enjoyed! UNTIL NEXT CHAPTER ;3**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Chapter 3 is up! PLZ ENJOY ;3**

I pressed the doorbell and stuffed my hands into my pockets, fidgeting. How did I get myself into this situation again? Oh right, my ex impulsively invited me to a college reunion party. Most probably, it was to keep up her good-girl image to her fiance. If not, maybe she wanted to rub her new "improved" life in my face. I mean, looking at this 3 storey mansion she was already doing a pretty good job. Great.

A smiling Mochida opened the door. "Kishinuma! Welcome!" he said, reaching his hand out. I shook it. "Thanks a lot. Your house is … nice," I said, putting it mildly. "Well, thanks for that! Paid a lot for it, so that means a lot," he said, showing off his white teeth. Is that a thing with smart people? That all of them have freaking bleached teeth? Or maybe _nice_ people? He is really nice. It makes me feel kinda guilty about crushing my coffee cup because of him.

"Please, come on in! Most of the guests are here already!" Mochida said, fully opening the door. I bowed and muttered "Ojamashimasu," before stepping inside and taking off my jacket.

I was met by about 20 different faces and modern indie music playing around in the background, just barely being heard over the conversations. Ah, I do actually recognize a few of these people. Morishige! Hm, he quit wearing glasses. And his hair's shorter. Who else … Pft, is that Shinohara? Her hairstyle hasn't changed much. Oh … Is that Nakashima?

With a yellow sundress and her bangs clipped away from her face with bobby pins Nakashima talked with Ayumi while sipping on a glass of sparkling golden champagne. She's grown. Not in the same way as Ayumi, though. Kinda like she became more feminine. The two of them were best friends back in the day, so it was only natural that we got talking while we were together. She seemed nice, so it won't be a problem if I start talking with her.

I slightly panicked when I suddenly caught Nakashima looking at me.

"Kishinuma!" she blurted out. I gave her a crooked smile and waved at her. She waved towards herself, telling me to join in. I mentally sighed and walked towards the two.

"I haven't seen you in forever! How're you doing?" she asked, smiling at me. For a moment, I forgot that Ayumi was there right next to her. "Oh, um … I've been doing well. And you?" I asked. "Great! I've started working as a nurse. And you're in the music business?" she asked. I nodded. "It's nice to have a job you really enjoy," I said. She laughed, throwing a glance at Ayumi, making her pay some attention to me. "Welcome, Yoshiki," she said in a lukewarm voice. I nodded, biting my lip. Not just because I was nervous. She looked good. Like really good. It was simple. A black t-shirt with short and round sleeves as well as a black skirt with flower prints. Her legs were bare, making me think of _those_ days again. Fuck.

"Would you like a glass of champagne?" she asked. "Ah … Yes, please," I hesitated. Believe it or not, I'm not a big fan of drinking in front of people. When I do, it's by myself and usually just a few cans of beer. "Ayumi Ayumi, bring one for me too!" Nakashima sang out, laughing. And she's a nurse? What a role model. "Sigh … Don't drink too much, Naomi. I won't be the one to drag you home if you do," she muttered and went to the kitchen.

I was left alone with Nakashima. Or well, there were people around us. It just felt like we were alone. "You know, I don't feel like you've changed that much Kishinuma. Except for your hair," Nakashima said. "Oh. You noticed?" I asked and chuckled. "Mhm. It's much lighter. And radiant," she said and laughed. I started bleaching my hair during high school, but back then it was much more of a honey-like color. Since I graduated college, I've used a little heavier amount, so I went from honey to ice. I don't regret it one bit. "I kinda remember you for being the one with the sharp eye. Thanks Nakashima," I said. She furrowed her brows. "Naomi is okay," she said. "Yoshiki is too," I said, smirking. Oh my god, when did I become such a ladies' man?

Ayumi returned with Naomi's glass refilled and a brand new one for me. "Here you og. Please enjoy yourselves," she said half-heartedly and left almost immediately. Geez, she wasn't this cold to Naomi a minute ago …

"Guess we're left alone again," I mumbled, taking a sip. The champagne burned my throat as it went down. "Does it bother you?" Naomi asked. Oh lord … She's really trying. "No. You?" I asked. She narrowed her eyes at me and gave me a smug smile. "Not anymore."

After that, I tried to listen to her speaking. It was a little difficult, even though I was genuinely interested in what she had to say. It was just that Ayumi was a few feet behind her, passionately talking to Mochida. Distracting. Too distracting. It was especially hard to look away when she laughed. I couldn't remember the last time I saw her smile and laugh like that.

Was she actually … happy?

"Yeah so, if you don't mind … Wanna keep in touch? We should definitely og out sometime. If you don't already have anyone, that is …" Naomi said, reaching out her phone towards me. "Ah …" My mind was muddled with confusion and irritation, but I heard what she said. I think. "No uh … I'm not dating anyone," I said, clumsily taking her phone out of her hands and reaching down to give her my own. "Really? I must say, Ayumi has some guts to invite her ex to a reunion. But then again, she does have decency," Naomi said and giggled. "Hah … I guess," I muttered, typing my number as fast as I could. After giving our phones back to each other, Naomi raised her glass.

"Care for another drink?"

"Oh my god, shut uuuuuuup … I can still drink…! *gulp*", Naomi hummed out while having trouble keeping her balance. I'd been keeping her company for as long as I could, but almost everyone had gone home by then, so I was starting to get annoyed.

"I thought she warned you about drinking too much. Aren't you a nurse?" I asked. "Yeeeeeah …Hihi," Naomi sang out and collapsed on the couch. Ayumi was busy cleaning up, so Mochida decided to step in.

"I can take her home, if you two don't mind being alone for a while," he suggested. "Really? I was planning on leaving, so thanks a lot," I said, nodding. Mochida smiled and shot a glance at Ayumi. "Are you fine with that, beautiful?" I clenched my fists. "Yeah, sure … Just be quick, please," Ayumi asked. Ouch. Mochida laughed and went to her side to give her a light kiss, making my knuckles go white. After picking up Naomi from the couch, he said his goobyes and left.

"Didn't you say that you were leaving soon?" Ayumi asked. "Yeah. But now I want to stay," I said, giving her an exaggerated smile. "Unbelievable," she groaned out and rolled her eyes. Wow, she really does hate me. "Ayumi … Stop being so mean," I mumbled and poked out my bottom lip. "I'm not being mean!" she yelled out, putting away the sponge she used to wash the dishes. "Really? Then what are you being?" I asked. "I'm being reasonable, that's what! You're just being childish!" she said and looked annoyed at me. I leaned back in the couch and smiled.

"This is exactly what we used to fight about back in college. Absolutely nothing."

Ayumi didn't answer. She just looked at me with her arms crossed while leaning her back against the sink. After a couple of seconds she started to quietly laugh, much to my surprise. "That seems about right," she said. Now that's weird. She's okay with me bringing up our relationship?

"By the way … What happened to your hand?" she asked, starting another conversation. She even sat down on the couch, but as expected, not very close to me. "Um … Just a little accident," I vaguely said. "What happened?" she asked further. "I burned myself … and got cut too," I explained. "Huh …" she said. "So it was not from beating a random guy up?"

I looked at her with widened eyes. "Ayumi, those days are over now! Geez, I'm not a teenager anymore!" I said, angrily. "Puh. Are you saying that you were a teenager when you were 20?" she asked. I sighed. "I'm not talking about just that time … I beat pretty much anyone up while I was in high school," I muttered. She didn't add anything to that sentence. However, she did say: "I know you're not like that anymore. I just know that you have a bit of a temper." I guess that sort of was a compliment. I looked at her with the most sincere gaze I could muster up.

"Then why did you date me?"

It was more silent that it had ever been before, it felt like. She looked back at me with a gaze that said: "Are you being serious?" "Or furthermore," I added. "Why did you just dump me like that?"

 _Sorry, but … I'm breaking up with you._

 _What?_

 _I'm tired of this. And I'm pretty sure you're tired too._

 _Ayumi, if this is a joke it's not f-_

 _Just stop it. I'm being serious._ _I can't do this anymore. So please, just … Leave me alone for now._

"It just wasn't going to work," she eventually replied and leaned back. The half-heartedness was making me angry. "How dare you?" I whispered, struggling not to start shouting at her. "Are you telling me that everything we built, shared and did together was for nothing? Wasn't it all for a long future together?"

Ayumi just looked at me with an empty gaze. That only made me angrier.

"Do you know …" I started and even went closer and closer to her, threateningly. "…how much you meant to me? Are you aware of how much you broke me? How I felt after you just threw me away and never replied to my texts or answered my calls?!"

"Yoshiki. Back off!"

I had one arm on each side of her body, not letting her escape my grip.

"How would you like to pay?"

With my mind clouded with wanting, I grabbed her chin and shoved my lips into hers. She slipped away the first time. "Stop it! Let go of me!" she yelled out and raised her fist at me, hitting my cheek and neck. It actually hurt, but I took a hold of both of her wrists and pushed her back in the couch, trying one more time.

This time it worked.

With lips of steel, I trapped her in a kiss I'd been longing for ever since she slipped away from me in college. She let out her voice in my mouth, gasping for breath. "Yo- Mm!" I didn't let her speak. I was never going to let go of her from then on. She was all mine. All mine.

I lifted her up from the couch bridal style and walked out of the living room. "Where's your bedroom?" I asked. Ayumi's eyes shot up. "Yoshiki! Are you being serious right now?!" she yelled, angry. Yeah, what am I doing …? This is wrong on so many levels. I'm practically forcing myself on her. This is exactly what Miki told me not to do, but …

After a few minutes of looking, I finally found a room with a tall queen-sized bed. Bingo. "You're going to regret this!" she warned me with a sharp glare after I laid her down on the bed. I cupped her cheek in my hand with a smile and whispered:

"No I'm not."

Running my hands through her long hair with one hand, my lips found their way to her thin neck, caressing it. Heh … this brings back memories. Obviously, I'd done this with her before. Even the first time was amazing, so doing it now would be similar, right …? Except for the part that she actually despises me.

I pushed down the sleeves of her shirt and pulled it down along with her skirt, leaving her only in her red undergarments. "You know …" I whispered and grabbed a gentle hold of each leg and looked up at her. "I couldn't stop looking at your legs tonight … They're hot." "Y-Yoshiki …" she breathed out, her body trembling when I ran my lips along her inner thighs. It looks like she's cooling down. "Nn …! Nnaaah …" she squealed out, shyly pressing her legs together. God … So cute.

I placed my hands on her shoulders and rested my face right between her mounds, looking up at her with narrowed eyes. Hers were bleary and nervous as she looked back at me. I grinned and snuck my hand downwards, past her stomach and in between her thighs, making her squirm.

"Yoshiki …! A-Aaaah …! I-I can't …." she moaned out, shifting her face from right to left numerous times. W-Wow … I used to sleep with her all the time, but now … I've never seen her look like this. So feverish. So aroused. So free. So … unbelievably sexy.

With my own clothes off and my legs wrapped around her own, I looked down at her warm eyes. This was completely different from earlier. Every ounce of resistance was completely gone, for some reason.

She reached out her arms towards me as if she was begging me.

"H-Hurry …!"

My desires were fulfilled and I'd finally gotten a good night's rest in peace with Ayumi sleeping next to me. I couldn't believe what I'd done. The cat was out of the bag. Now, every time I try to resist, it's useless. Now I know for sure that I haven't moved on. Ayumi is still on my mind.

It was still dark out, so I had woken up in the middle of the night. Is Ayumi sleeping? I turned around and saw her long and pale back turned towards me. Guess she is … Better og back to sleep too. I turned around again and laid down in a comfortable position, closing my eyes. As I was drifting to sleep, I thought I heard a quiet whimpering from beside me, but I was too tired to mind too much.

Was she … crying?

 **A/N: Well this chapter was longer than usual. What are your thoughts though, I'm curious! Go ahead ans sound off in the reviews :)Hope you enjoyed and I'll see you in the next chapter ;3**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: CHAPTER 4 IS HERE! PLZ ENJOY ;3**

 _"That Nakashima just doesn't know where to stop."_

 _It was way over bedtime. As far as "bedtime" goes in college anyways. Someone was always throwing a party, and everyone was always invited. I didn't always go. Believe it or not, I was pretty focused on my studies. Why? Yeah, why would a delinquent like me be serious about studying? Well... she motivated me. Just a little._

 _"Honestly, she's using college as an excuse. She was drinking pretty heavily in high school too. Whenever she was served alcohol, I mean," Shinozaki explained, leaning against the red brick building in the chilly night. The two of us had snuck away from Shinohara's party, tired of holding back hairs in the bathroom. We were outside the building, but the music still pounded in my head._

 _"That reminds me of something," I muttered, looking up at the sky. In the corner of my eye, I saw Shinozaki looking at me. "What?" she asked. I grinned with half lidded eyes and lazily sang out: "Naka-shima, doesn't have a problem, lying to herself, 'cause the liquors top shelf." She cocked her head to the side. "Uuuh..." "It's a song. I just switched up the lyrics so that it fit the situation," I said. She mockingly laughed at me. "And you're becoming a songwriter?" she asked. "Yup," I answered, exhaling through my nose._

 _"Then, write a song about me!"_

 _I nearly coughed my heart out of my chest. "E-Er... That's a bit..."_

 _I stuttered out. "Can't you at least try, Kishinuma-kun? Or should I call you Sia?" she begged me. I looked down at my feet. "It's not going to rhyme if I just come up with something so fast..." I kept protesting. It was scary. I mean, writing a song about a person? She shrugged her shoulders and mumbled: "Sigh... It's cool, I get i-_

 _"I see Shinozaki swaying ..."_

 _What am I doing. I'm literally just using a song and changing the lyrics again... Oh well. Improvising isn't my strong suit. She kept quiet and just looked at me with wide eyes and closed lips._

 _"Her eyes are on fire and her hands are up... Down on my knees and I'm singing; Ooh baby, ooh baby, I am yours..."_

 _Fuck! I instantly covered my face with both hands when I felt my cheeks heating up. What the hell was I saying?! I'm insane, I tell you. So insane! What will she think?! I turned those lyrics so ... erotic without even thinking! How... How did she react...? I carefully separated my hands and peeked at her face._

 _She was covering her mouth with her fingertips. Her eyes were glistening and her cheeks were completely flushed. She looked... amazing._

 _Noticing that I was looking at her, she coughed and straightened her composure. "That ... You should do the same to your next girlfriend. It'll definitely... make her knees buckle," she said, lowering the volume of her voice as the sentence came to an end. "Knees buckle, huh?" I nervously laughed and scratched the back of my head. "Are you saying you would go for me?" I jokingly asked. She laughed, looked at me and said: "Kiss me like an adult and maybe I'll consider it."_

 _I laughed. However, I couldn't get the idea out of my head. Kissing Shinozaki. I know she was joking, but ... Just then, I realized how much I actually wanted to kiss her. We've been friends for a couple of months, so would it be okay if I tried? Yeah, she can just push me away. Maybe I should go for it._

 _As we both had our backs against the brick wall, I started to move towards her. She looked at me intensely, her eyelashes casting shadows down her flat cheekbones. "If that's so ..." I mumbled, shyly gliding the tips of my fingers down her cheek. Why isn't she moving away? Did she expect this? Tch, does it even matter?_

 _With both hands in her hair, I tenderly placed my lips on top of hers._

 _I was afraid of breaking her, but it was difficult to hold myself back. Oh god, she's not moving away. Is she secretly into me? Geez, why am I being so anxious about it?! Can't I just enjoy it in peace...?_

 _"Nm... Adults don't kiss like that..." she panted out. It was then I noticed that her arms were wrapped around my neck. I pouted and tapped her on the forehead. She giggled, resting her forehead on mine. "You can try again," she whispered. I backed off a little, just letting our noses touch. "May I?" I asked, or better put, begged. "Mhm..." she muttered out, opening her mouth._

 _From then, I just went in._

 _My brain wasn't deciding what I did anymore. With my tongue almost digging its way into her mouth, I nearly violently hoisted her up against the wall by her thighs. "Oh m- Mm!" she moaned out in my mouth, clutching her cold nails against my back. My entire body was getting incredibly hot. It got insanely clammy inside my shirt, making me feel the sweat running down my neck. Every time we parted to catch our breaths, thin streams of mixed saliva leaked between our lips, even a little dripping on the sides of her lips, only making me more eager to kiss her again. It felt like it went on forever. Alas, it didn't. The lack of air nearly made her faint so we had to draw the line right when we almost crossed it._

 _Damn. I didn't know that adult kisses were like that. Even though I was 19._

My eyes were closed, but my mind was awake. So I guess, I was half asleep. That dream was more of a memory. A memory from the time I asked Ayumi out for the first time. It completely paralyzed me with warmth and heartbreak. Ugh, I need to wake up. What time is it anyway? I rolled to the other side and sluggishly opened my eyes, jumping out of bed the moment I saw the empty space on the bed. Where's Ayumi? Don't tell me Mochida came back! I threw on yesterdays clothes in a flash and ran out of the room, panicking. The house was huge, so I probably went through at least half of the rooms before I found Ayumi in the kitchen. She was completely at peace in her black robe, drinking coffee and eating from a huge selection of foods on the table.

I thought I was going to die right there. I was so relieved.

"Satoshi sent me a text last night," Ayumi started before I could tell her "good morning". "The gentleman that he is, he stayed to watch over her because she lives alone. He'll be back soon." She didn't even look at me. She's definitely still mad. "Help yourself," she said, having another sip. "…Thanks," I said in a hoarse voice. Right, that was the first thing I'd said this morning. I sat down ahead of her, taking out a plate and a cup.

It was so painfully awkward during breakfast. No one said anything, as if we both were alone and just minding our own business. I had to admit though, she looked really good even in a robe and her hair in an updo. I swallowed a spoonful of grenola and coughed. She looked up. Fuck, what do I say now?

"Ayumi, I …" I swallowed the remains of the grenola in my throat and said in a low voice: "I like you." I know. Super vague. But it was the truth. I liked her. "Pff. You _like_ me, huh …" she sighed out as if she wasn't taking me seriously. "Yes," I said. I even reached for her hand, but she quickly recoiled and crossed her arms in defense.

"Yoshiki. I'm begging you," Ayumi said, surprising me with her vulnerable sounding voice. "Don't ruin my relationship with Satoshi. Yes, we had a good relationship, but I've moved on and now I've decided to marry Satoshi. It's as simple as that." I raised an eyebrow at her. " _Have_ you really moved on?"She sighed and massaged her temples, frustrated and not willing to answer. That flicked a switch.

"See? You can't be completely honest with me," I said, struggling not to start glaring at her. "Yoshiki," she said sternly, as if to warn me. Feeling my knees going numb, I hissed out: "You say that you've moved on, yet you didn't seriously reject me last night. You liked it! Admit i-

"Quit it!"

She slammed her hand against the table and glared at me, her pupils quivering. "That's … enough …!" she said, leaning her forehead into her hand, exhausted from that outburst. It hurt. It really hurt to have her shout at me like that, even though I kinda deserved it. It's my fault that she now cheated on Mochida. I tried to talk, but I soon felt myself choking up.

"What … Just what did I do to mess things up for us?" I asked, close to having a breakdown. She didn't answer me. She didn't even look me in the eye. It was hopeless. I got up from the chair, got my jacket and shoes and left the building without saying anything further.

I'm glad my body remembered the way to the parking lot, 'cause my mind just wasn't there. It was too occupied to remember directions. I was just walking with a muddled mess for a brain. I was happy just half an hour ago. I slept with Ayumi. I had a sweet moment with her. For the few minutes it went on, I felt like I could carry mountains. She enjoyed it, there was no doubt about it! And she still lies to me and even herself! I really have lost her for good now, haven't I? Well congrats, Yoshiki Kishinuma. You've officially fucked up your life.

"Kishinuma?"

No, _now_ I've officially fucked up my life.

"Hey Mochida," I said with very little enthusiasm. He had just parked his car and was about to close the door. He walked over to me with a bright smile, as always. "You're here too?" he asked, confused. "Uh yeah, I actually forgot my coat here yesterday and I had too many drinks to notice. I just came to pick it up today," I said, proud of how quickly I came up with such a believable lie. "Oh, I see," he said. "I heard about the drama with Naomi," I added. Mochida shrugged. "I wouldn't call it drama. Just a drunk single woman who I didn't want to leave alone," he said. I nodded. It was a short conversation, so I think the lords above heard my prayers.

"By the way, do you want to exchange numbers? I'd love to hang out with you sometime!" he proposed, reaching down his pocket for his phone. Shit. I can't say no now. "Yeah, sure. Let's hang," I answered, picking up my phone as well. We swapped them and typed down our numbers before returning home.

"I had a great time yesterday, Kishinuma. Have a good one!" Mochida said and waved. I waved back, not saying a word. He probably just thinks it's because I'm an introvert. Little did he know that I absolutely despise him. For obvious reasons, of course.

He had what I desired the most.

 **A/N: HOPE YOU ENJOYED! Just in case you're interested, the song Yoshiki made up, has the melody of the chorus in "West Coast" by Lana Del Rey. I just changed up the lyrics a little bit. SEEYA NEXT TIME ;3**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Alright, here's chapter 5! PLZ ENJOY ;3**

"Coming back at this hour, huh?"

I jumped when I heard Miki's voice the moment I stepped inside my apartment. Silence had followed me the entire way home from Ayumi's house, so I momentarily panicked when I suddenly was met by another humanly presense. "Why do you keep showing up out of nowhere?!" I blurted out, annoyed. "Hey. You were the one who gave me a spare key. I didn't secretly make a copy of it to stalk you," Miki said. I rolled my eyes and firmly shut the door behind me. So much had happened up until that moment. Too much.

"Alright, let me try again," Miki said after sighing: "Coming back at this hour, huh? That can only mean one thing." I should've known that she would figure it out immediately. "Yes!" I yelled out, pissed off for some reason. "I made a move on her and we had sex! I still slept with her, despite getting another girl's number!" Miki looked shocked, even leaning back in her chair as if my words were trying to blow her off from the seat.

"Geez, I … I didn't expect you to be so blunt about it," she mumbled, not leaning back anymore. I took a deep breath and sat down on the couch, right next to where she was seated. It was hard to keep it in. What I was feeling at that moment. I leaned my face forward, covering it with my hands as my elbows rested on my thighs.

"So er … Was it good?" Miki awkwardly asked. I rubbed my eyes and slightly smiled. "Yeah. Really good. Until we woke up the next morning," I said. "Ah …" she let out, understandingly. "I'm suprised you actually went that far, even after I warned you. Yet, I'm even more surprised she actually let you sleep with her when she's engaged." Yeah. She's not the only one. Maybe hope really could change fates?

"It's impossible, Miki," I muttered, feeling my body og weak from visiting recent and fresh memories. "What is?" she asked. "Forgetting her," I said, my voice trembling. "No matter how hard I try to resist, it is so easy. Just to sweep her off her feet, kiss her, seduce her … All of it takes me back to those times where I really was happy. The times with her …!"

Miki ran her hand through my hair. "I get it," she said. "But you said that you got another girl's number, right?" I nodded and wiped my nose, worried that I was close to having a breakdown. "And she's into you?" she asked. I nodded again. "I'm pretty sure, at least. The only problem is that she's a bit of a drinker," I said. Miki broke into a smile. "There you have it! Ask her out! Start dating other girls! Distract yourself!" she said, trying to pull me up from the couch. "I don't know, Miki … I'm really not in the mood," I complained. She shook her head annoyed and kept saying: "You can't dwell on your past forever!"

You can't dwell on your past forever, huh? I was with Ayumi the previous night, though.

"Fine. I'll call Naomi. But not now while I'm depressed," I said. She smiled and patted my head. "It'll get better," she said. Seriously, sometimes I feel like the younger sibling. It's not fair. I'm glad I have someone like Miki for a sister though.

"Hey, Naomi!"

I sounded a little too excited when I heard her say her greeting in a tired and groggy voice.

"Yoshiki? I didn't expect you to call so soon!"

"Ah well. How're you holding up?"

"I feel like death. You?"

I laughed at her sense of humour. She laughed with me.

"I'm good. I had a great time yesterday."

That was a little _too_ true. I probably shouldn't mention that to someone I'm trying to ask out.

"Really? Me too!"

"Uh-huh. So, are you keen on going out tonight?"

Wow. I was braver and more blunt than I thought.

"My god, of course? Care to pick me up at 7?"

"Sure, if you could text me your adress later."

"Haha, that'll do. So, dinner?"

"Whatever you say."

"Is that so? Can't wait, then!"

"Alright. Seeya then!"

"Bye!"

I ended the call, feeling incredibly cocky from my victory. I felt so much better, knowing that at least someone found me attractive. Was it really that easy to just sweep away grief? Just replace it with something else? Man, now I just hope the date goes well. Maybe I'll just stop thinking about Ayumi from then on. It would be great to relieve the intense stress I've felt lately too.

The door to Naomi's apartment building opened, knocking me out of my fantasy world. I don't know if it was because I had too much to think about or if it was because I had nothing to think about. Or maybe I was bored. Whatever it was, it several minutes passed way faster than I thought and Naomi was suddenly making her way to my car. I went through a quick transition in my mind and showed her a smile through the window. She was wearing a short sleeved cream-colored shirt with a short pencil skirt. So simple, but so good-looking. Just like what Ayumi wore yesterday. Wait, what?! Shit, stop thinking about her! It's Naomi I'm going to eat dinner with tonight, not that girl with the stick up her ass! …Okay, that was a little harsh. I shook off any negative thoughts, put on a smile and got out of the car to open the door for her.

"My, such a gentleman," Naomi said, going in for a little greeting hug. Or so I thought. When I put my arm around her waist, she lightly pressed her lips against my cheek. Panicking for a second, I reflexively did the same and kissed her on the cheek, saying: "Always and forever."

She gave me a crooked smirk and pushed her hair behind her ear. Heh … She's actually kinda cute. I never noticed, but I'm pretty into the petite and adorable girls. Just like Ay-

"Alright. Shall we go?" I asked, looking at her from the side. She smiled and asked: "Where are we going, exactly?" "My favourite Italian resturant. Look forward to it," I said. She laughed. "I'm excited! Let's go!" she said. I obeyed and started the engine. Luckily, I was actually excited to take her out. She's a really pretty and charming girl. How can this og wrong?

"You know, I was surprisingly happy when I saw you at the party," Naomi said, vulgarly smiling while she drank a sip of red wine. I cocked my head to the side and raised my eyebrow mischeviously. "Oh really?" I asked, chuckling. "Mhm… Even more so when I found out that you weren't her fiancee," she said. Oh boy, she's really giving it to me. I love it. Although, I immediately got a bitter taste in my mouth when she mentioned Ayumi. I tried to wash it out with red wine.

"Well, I was surprised when I heard that you were still single. Have you had any serious relationships in the last years?" I asked. Naomi rested her chin on her fist and smiled. "Guess," she whispered, making a flame enlighten in my gut. I was about to answer, but she laughed to stop me. "Just kidding," she said, shrugging her shoulders playfully. She even has a sense of humour, unlike one certain bluenette. Naomi is so much better. Her clevage popped out of her thin blouse in full view. Pft, and Ayumi used to just barely have boobs. They've grown after 6 years though. Not to mention her eyes … Chocolate brown eyes. Alright, Ayumi's are prettier, I'll give her that. I could just drown in that shade of midnight blue. And Ayumi's lips are plumper, yet smaller and rounder. Naomi's are wide and a little flat. Not that I dislike it. Naomi's kiss couldn't feel that different from Ayumi's.

Fuck Fuck Fuck! Stop comparing them, you dumbass!

"Er … Something wrong?" Naomi asked. My eyebrows shot up. "Heh, no nothing," I said, combing my hair with my hand casually, trying to keep my composure. I have to get that vixen out of my head somehow.

"I had an amazing time tonight, Yoshiki. Thank you so much for asking me out," Naomi said, facing me after parking right by her apartment block. It went by too quickly, and I still couldn't get my mind off of things and just relax. I should be more assertive.

"It was my pleasure, Naomi," I said, my voice sounding calm despite me being extremely tense on the inside. My mind was so muddled that I didn't even think twice about placing my hand on her bare thigh, peeking out from her short tight-fitting skirt. Her skin was warm and smooth under my cold palm, yet she didn't move away. Oh lord. She wants it.

"Hey … Want me to join you inside?"

"Nmmm … Oh, Yoshiki … Hold on."

Naomi lightly shook me off of her to open the door to her dark bedroom, pulling me to her bed with a strong arm. Think about Naomi. Think about Naomi. Think about Naomi. The moment we landed on her bed, she instantly let me in her mouth again, tightly wrapping her arms around my neck. Ayumi did that right before she climaxed, didn't she? That was just incredibly hot.

Fuck!

I buried my teeth into her neck, vigorously nibbling and sucking on her neck while unbuttoning her shirt. "Aaaaah! Yes …!" she moaned out, lifting up her legs eagerly. Get her out of your mind. Get her out of your mind. Get her out of your mind. I lowered my face under her skirt, pulling off her lacey panties with my teeth. "Ngh … Do me. Quickly …!" she whimpered out, begging me. So darn adorable. I was too distracted to multitask, so I had to leave her hot and dry for a second to take off my own pants.

I really wished I didn't, 'cause I was going to regret it for the next 5 minutes.

I looked down between my legs, my eyes widening and mouth involuntarily opening. Why the … What the … How?!

"Uhn? What is it?" Naomi asked, sitting up when she noticed that I'd become a statue. "I-I …" I couldn't even speak. How am I supposed to explain?! She saw where I was looking and shot her gaze down, her eyebrows raising when she saw my manhood; completely soft.

"W-What the?!" Naomi shrieked out and jumped out of bed, as if she'd just seen a monster or something. Could I blame her? I was the one who hit on her and made a move, yet I couldn't have sex with her. "Ugh, just … I think you should leave," Naomi finally said, clearly offended. I didn't say anything. Telling her the truth would just piss her off even more. I grabbed my clothes and got out of her apartment as soon as possible, hearing her angrily yell out:

"Seriously, here I was thinking that I finally could get laid twice in a row!"

When I finally got in my car, I felt strangely relieved. I mean, she definitely hates me now. But I'm fine with it. I sighed and peeked at my watch. 00:23 AM. I started the engine, sure of what I really wanted to do at that moment, but worried about what would happen if I actually did it. They're definitely asleep now, but I guess that's for the better. Ah, fuck it.

I started to drive, I tried to remember the directions to Ayumi and Mochida's house.

 **A/N: Oh lord. See what happens next in the next chapter! UNTIL THEN ;3**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Halfway through! PLZ ENJOY ;3**

Okay, now what do I do?

With my car parked somewhere I don't remember, I stood in front of Ayumi and Mochida's mansion. All of the lights were off and I could hear crickets in the distance. It was dead quiet. Perfect. I remember that their bedroom is on the 2nd floor. There's huge window in their room. I should be able too see them through there. How the hell am I supposed to get up there, though? I looked around the area, trying to find something that could help me climb up. The walls are made of wood and there are small spaces between the planks, but there's no way that I could climb all the way up there without falling at least 30 times. Shit. What the hell am I going to do …

Just when I'd lost all hope, I found a ladder laying on the ground in their backyard.

"Thank you, Jesus …" I whispered and sighed in relief. I mean, what are the odds? I took a tight hold of the ladder and lifted it over my head. Careful not to make any sound, I placed it right by where I saw the window. The window lead to a small balcony, so I'll climb up to the balcony and knock on her window from there. "Phew … Here goes," I whispered and slowly started to climb up. Because of my angst, I felt my feet slip from time to time. I didn't actually fall though, but I was pretty darn close.

I sighed in relief when I finally found a safe place to stand on the balcony. I brushed off the dirt on my clothes and looked inside the window. They were sound asleep, both of them. They were apart though, making me smile. Alright. Now I just gotta hope that Mochida doesn't wake up as well.

I held my breath and knocked on the window, gently at first.

Fuck! Mochida started shifting, his body rolling over to the other side. Ayumi didn't move at all. I waited for him to be completely still again and then started knocking one more time. Ah, I see her moving! Keep going! I knocked even harder and she finally rubbed her eyes and started blinking. The moment she looked at me through the window, her eyes shot open and she opened mer mouth in shock. I couldn't hold my laughter in.

That's when her expression turned from shock to absolute rage.

She pointed her finger in the air, telling me to get out. I shook my head and waved towards me, telling her to come. After some time with doing nothing but going back and forth, she rolled her eyes and decided to come out.

"What the HELL are you doing here!?" she hissed out the moment she closed the door behind her. She was wearing a pale pink nightgown made of nothing but silk and lace, making me gulp nervously. I quickly shook it off, smiled innocently and said: "I wanna hang." Ayumi mockingly sneered at me. "Hang, huh? Do you know what time it is?" she asked. "Uh-huh," I said, still smiling. She glared at me, telepathically asking me if I was serious. "I just wanna hang," I said. Not as exes. As just former mates in college." Ayumi still didn't look like she was buying it. I sighed and kept bribing. "Alright … If you come out with me right now, I won't bother you anymore. Okay?"

Ayumi's face changed. She looked calmer. "… Promise?" she asked. "Yup," I said casually. She frowned. "I don't believe you. But fine," she mumbled, making my blood rush excitedly. "But please, let me at least put on a pair of leg- Hey!" I had already pulled her by the arm to the ladder. "We don't have any time to waste!" I said, careful not to push her off the edge with excitement. I wasn't worried about anything anymore. Not sleep, not Mochida, not Ayumi's temper. It was the first time in my life that I've truly felt free.

"Come on, can't you say something?"

The cities were quieter than usual. Obviously, it must've been because of what time it was. My eyes were stuck on the road in front of me while holding the steering wheel with stiff hands, not really knowing for sure where I was going. I just had an idea.

"I'm not the type to start conversations," Ayumi said. I muffled a laugh. "That's how you caught Mochida, huh?" I said. I felt the aura grew a little colder after I said that. "Don't," Ayumi spat out. "Geez, no need to get so mad …" I muttered, briefly looking at her. She did not look very pleased.

"Thanks for not letting me put on any clothes, by the way. You're such a gentleman," Ayumi said sternly. I rolled my eyes, took off my jacket with one hand and threw it over to where she was sitting. Right next to me, to be exact. It took her a couple of seconds to react. Or, she actually didn't react at all. I just heard her silently put the jacket on. I don't know if she was being shy or if she still was mad about that dry tease.

"Funny thing is …" I started. "Naomi said the same thing earlier this evening." That sentence caught her attention. "Naomi?" she repeated. "Mhm. We went out today," I said, making sure I said every word clearly. Wow, I'm horrible. Making her feel jealous on purpose is so cheap. "Puh. And now you're asking me out? You disgust me," she sternly said. I groaned. "I told you, this is just a friend's thing. Besides, the date sucked." Pft. Wasn't I supposed to make her jealous? Why am I telling her the truth, then?

"Really? What happened?" she asked. It warmed my heart to see her being genuinely interested. "Promise you won't laugh?" I asked, pressing my lips together. She didn't answer, but I went for it anyway. I sighed and filled in: "Basically, I tried to sleep with her. But I couldn't get hard."

At first, Ayumi acted like I still hadn't said anything. Then I heard a hint of a muffled laugh. "Cough … That's unfortunate," she said calmly. I breathed out a laugh. "Right," I said. "You know I never had that problem everytime we did it." I heard her let out an annoyed growl. "Yoshiki, I swear to God, you're just pissing me off with that!" she said loudly. "What? I'm just being truthful," I said. "Well … Yeah, but …" Ayumi stuttered out, scratching her neck. I smirked at her when I saw her red face. She got even more mad. "S-Stop looking at me like that! Seriously, you're so stu-"

"Excuse me, could I get two large Big Mac menus? Oh, and two Cokes."

I ignored her last sentence when I noticed that I almost had driven past the McDonald's drive through. Ayumi looked completely stunned and confused. I turned towards her and smiled. "Wouldn't want you to starve, right?" I said while grinning. Ayumi shook her head, disappointed. "What have I gotten myself into …?" she whispered to herself.

I chuckled and drove off to the next location.

"Why are we … at a high school?"

Ayumi looked out of the window and asked me that when she noticed the tall building and the swimming pool with fences around it. "I was a student here back in the day," I said. "I especially remember the swimming classes that I miserably failed." Ayumi looked surprised. "You can't swim?" she asked. "I can now. But back then, even bath water scared me," I jokingly said. She smiled. "So, why are we here?" she asked again. "Just wanted to have a late night snack by the pool," I said. She looked wary, but shrugged her shoulders.

"Fair enough."

She bit into her burger, only in a short nightie and my oversized jacket. It wasn't that chilly for me, but I guess she's colder because she's so skinny? I don't know. The lamps that were placed along the pool, lit up the chlorinated water, making even the weakest wave look so stunning on the bright blue water.

"Now that I'm on the subject of my highschool self …" I started, looking to my side. Ayumi seemed distracted, but faced me while she was eating. I wouldn't call myself a very open person. I didn't like talking about my issues, regrets or feelings. But for some reason, with Ayumi … It felt okay to break out of my bubble a little bit.

"I wasn't the model student, to say the least. I was far from that."

I smiled sadly and looked up at the clear, black sky. I wasn't proud of my delinquent days. Beating guys up, talking back to teachers, smoking … I didn't mention those details to Ayumi, though. I preferred mentioning the things that truly mattered.

"I planned to keep living that life … Until I my first week in college," I explained, aiming my smile at her. She was still looking at me. She knitted her eyebrows and looked down, not wanting to face me anymore. "Do you remember?" I asked softly. "You whipped me into shape after I tried to pick a fight with my teacher for the first time, didn't you … I still don't get why you did, but still …" I reached for her hand and squeezed it. She tried to let go, but I didn't let her. She needed to hear this.

"You changed me."

Her pupils quivered and her lips were trembling. "F… Flattery won't get you anywhere," she said after swallowing. "I'm serious," I said, not changing my earnest expression. Ayumi sighed and bit her lip shyly. That was her. That was the Ayumi I fell in love with 6 years ago.

"… I'm glad, Yoshiki."

I couldn't keep myself from smiling, even though I planned to remain serious. "Listen, I know that flattery doesn't help, 'cause I know you're happy with Mochida." Ayumi detected my white lie. "What do you exactly mean by that?" she asked. I gave her a smug look and said: "I just would never guess that Mochida would be your type. He's too soft and conservative, don't you think?" I expected to be met with an angry Ayumi, but she didn't say anything. Therefore, I continued: "Do you know what sounds even better than Ayumi Mochida, though?" Knowing that she wouldn't be pleased with what I was about to say, I took off my clothes, preparing to jump in the pool. "Huh?" she muttered, confused. I looked at her from behind my naked shoulder, grinned and said:

"Ayumi Kishinuma."

 _ ***SPLASH!***_

Hahaha, I can't bear to see her reaction! I opened my eyes underwater and swam around in the cool poolwater. This was exactly what I needed. A little moment to just reflect on what I wanted to do while I was swimming.

I … I have strong feelings for Ayumi. I really do. Even now, it hurts to think about a world where she doesn't exist. Does that mean that I'm fine with her just being alive? Or do I just want to be with her, after all? She's in a relationship. And not just in any relationship. She's getting married to a guy who's definitely smarter and kinder than me. Ayumi looks like she's in love with him, and he's definitely in love with her. If that could just melt into my mind, I could let her og. Still I …

…All I want to do is act on my instincts. Just do what I want."

I swam up to the surface and brushed my hair back, panting. Ayumi was still sitting by the pool, looking at me with warm eyes. I smiled and swam to her, hoisting myself up so that my naked arms were right in front of her feet.

"Pft …" she giggled and said: "You do realize that you're completely naked, right? And that you didn't bring a towel?" I didn't pay attention to what she said. "Ayumi … Can I see you again?" She just laughed again. "You promised, Yoshiki," she said, irritated. I didn't give up. I wanted to see her again, and nothing could stop me.

"If I kiss you like an adult, will you consider it?"

I could only hear the gentle waves on the pool, splashing against my lower back that was still underwater. "Pft … Geez, Yoshiki …" Ayumi whispers and laughs it off as a joke. This couldn't be happening. I have to get her to take me seriously. I stared straight into her eyes, not letting her escape my determination. I drew her in, trying to make her understand what I truly wanted.

"…Yes."

That was all I needed to hear. I didn't even care that I was soaking wet and naked. I hoisted myself completely up from the pool, grabbed Ayumi's face with both hands and roughly kissed her. I wanted her. I just wanted her, that was all. I was used to feeling the vibrations of her voice in my mouth, but this time … It wasn't angry protests. It was moans.

When she eagerly played with my tongue and wrapped her arms around my neck, I felt a huge victory dwell up inside me. "Nm-aah …" I let go for a second just to slide off the straps on her nightgown. This was clearly an invitation to og just as far as last time.

"Y-Yoshiki …" Ayumi whined out, reaching out her arms, begging me to hold her again. I couldn't remember the last time I was this moved by something. Here I was, thinking that she secretly hated me, yet … She could wear such a lovely expression and be so kind and loving. I embraced her and buried my face in her neck.

"Adults don't kiss like that …"

"Yes, they do."

 **A/N: Is there any hope, or what do you guys think? Please tell me :) UNTIL NEXT TIME ;3**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Here's chapter 7! PLZ ENJOY ;3**

"Hey Kizami, you should take a break. Warm up your voice so that it doesn't sound so shaky during the chorus," I said, lowering the volume on his mic but not so low that I couldn't hear him. Kizami adjusted his headphones. "Hold on, I can still keep going! There's only about half an hour left of my session!" he complained. Geez, always overdoing it like that will take a toll on him one day. I mean, he's definitely talented. With this record, he'll definitely be able to release his debut album. That's easier said than done, though. Poor guy needs to learn to take a break every now and then. Too bad he's so stubborn though.

"Alright," I said, giving up. "One more go, but after that you need to take a little vocal break," I said. He agreed, so I played the pop track one more time.

 ***KNOCK KNOCK!** *****

I was so surprised that I had to stop the record, confusing Kizami. "Sorry," I said. "Someone just knocked. Now you have to take a break." Kizami rolled his eyes. "Fine," he groaned out eventually and took off his headphones. "Come in!" I yelled to whoever was behind the door. The door opened, and to my shock and fear, Mochida was standing there.

"Kishinuma!"

He said excitedly and smiled. Well … There's no way he busted me and Ayumi with that attitude, so I could relax a bit more. I still don't know why he came to meet me unannounced. Especially not at my workplace.

"Sorry if I'm interrupting," he said. "Nah, it's nothing," I said, already feeling Kizami's eyes of steel pierce me from behind. "When are you getting off work?" he asked. "In about 30 minutes. Why?" I asked, honestly knowing what he was going to ask me next. "Do you have some time after work? I'd love to hang out with you actually," he said. Damn it. I knew it. He really did find out, didn't he? "…Yeah, sure. Please, go ahead and wait here," I said, showing him the couch right by my desk with the audio buttons, controls and computers. He politely sat down and seemed genuinely interested in what we were doing. Well … That's nice, I guess.

"You ready, Kizami?" I asked while I sat at the other side of the window. He gave me a thumbs up, so I started the music one last time. I just remember that it went well. Anything more than that …? I can't remember. I was scared for my life. Love life, to be exact.

"Yeah, Ayumi told me about where you work, so … Sorry if I looked like a creep visiting you like that," Mochida said, circling his index finger around his coffee cup. He has the same taste as me. He takes it black. Nothing else. He has some nerve though, taking me to the same café where I met my ex-girlfriend for the first time in a while. Although, I guess he doesn't know that we used to be together. Luckily.

"Don't worry about it. I was just surprised," I said. He sighed in relief. "That's good. You're a rational guy, Kishinuma," he complimented me, smiling. He freaks me out. There's no way anyone just freely gives out compliments like that without being secretly psychotic. I don't mind this for now, though.

"Um … Y'know, Ayumi never told me how you two met," I mentioned, nervous. He didn't know that we were exes, so it would've been fine if I asked him. It still felt weird though, almost like I broke a rule. His head perked up. "Oh really? I thought you guys used to be pretty close," he said. Shit. So he has some idea. "Well yeah, but we've had our differences in the past," I said, vaguely on purpose. He had a sip and started talking, not hesitating one bit.

"I met her during my first year in university. I was alone and couldn't really talk to anyone. One day I just got talking with another girl who looked pretty alone too. From then on, we just got along really well and started dating pretty quickly. Things just escalated from there."

Mochida's eyes glimmered in the light, making my throat burn in annoyance and guilt. No matter the torturing moves I fantasized about earlier, no one could deny that he definitely liked Ayumi. A lot, actually. "Heh …" I chuckled out and leaned my face into my hand. "I guess opposites don't always attract." He obviously didn't know, but I was referring to myself and Ayumi during our college times. Everything about the two of us was completely different from the other. Mochida laughed.

"Yeah. You know, when you're the only two Japanese students in the US, it's almost natural that you'd make a connection."

Er … What? The US? Where'd that come from? No seriously, where did that come from?!

"…The US?" I repeated, as calmly as I could, to just not make him suspicious. "Yeah, I thought she'd at least told you that. I met her while we both studied in America," he said, completely at ease. That was very different from what was happening inside of me. I was angry. I was confused. I was frustrated. I didn't know how to let it out.

"When?" I asked, squeezing the cup in my hand to control my emotions. "Hmm … She arrived the day before the semester started, so … Like the second week in June?" he said insecurely. I felt my eyes pop out of my skull. Ayumi dumped me June 5th. The second week in June… That was a week after. I wanted to scream at Mochida, even though I couldn't blame him. I wanted to go straight to their house and confront Ayumi. You know what … That idea was very tempting.

"Sorry, I …" I got up from the chair. "I'm just going to the restroom for a bit."

"Hello?"

"What the hell, Ayumi?!"

There. I let it out. The questions that had ran through my head had filled me even more with rage. Is her studies the reason for why she broke up with me? Couldn't we still be together? Maybe I'm being stupid … It must've been because I'd crossed the line the day before, like I've always believed. But if that's not the case … Does that mean that she's still in love with me? My fingers clutched into my phone when I heard her voice again.

"… What?" Her voice was surprisingly hoarse.

"Why didn't you tell me?! I literally thought you'd disappeared for 6 years straight! You went to the US and didn't even tell me!" Everything I'd held back just burst out. She didn't answer right away. At first I thought it was because I was being unclear, but she eventually let out her voice.

"So you found out through Satoshi, huh? So he's with you."

It took a couple of seconds before she continued.

"It wouldn't have worked out anyway."

I got pissed when I heard that familiar line again. Even more so when I realized that she was acting differently than usual. She'd always been playfully cold, but this … Now she was just being unreasonably cold. Something was up.

"What's wrong?" I asked gently, putting my anger aside for a moment. At that moment, I was more concerned of her well-being instead of my selfish desires. To my surprise, she didn't hesitate to answer me this time.

"Satoshi slept with Naomi, for fuck's sake!"

At first, I thought she was joking. But then I remembered that Ayumi only swears when she's very passionate. Right after that, I remembered back to something Naomi said after our very unsuccessful date.

 _Seriously, here I was thinking that I could finally get laid twice in a row!_

Wait… So that's what she meant?! How gross! I thought it was weird that he stayed the entire night at her place. I mean, obviously something must've happened! I wanted to apologize, but more than anything, I wanted to reassure her. "Um … He visited me while I was at work. Did he run away or something?" I asked. "Yeah basically," she answered, close to choking up. "I found some really … weird texts between him and Naomi. I questioned him about it and he immediately admitted it and apologized. I got pissed obviously, so he just ran out. Even though I forgive him, I … it made me realize something."

I held my breath, my heart dropping to my stomach when she finished.

"What I'm doing with you … It's even worse. And I'm scared of losing someone as great as Satoshi, so …"

"No, you're not."

I knew what was coming. For the 100th time, she's going to reject me. Tell me that she won't see me anymore. Maybe it's for real this time. I don't know how that exactly makes me feel. I just know that I don't want it to happen. Before she could speak any further, I stopped her with my own words.

"You're scared of falling in love with me again."

It might've sounded cocky or stuck up, but to me it was clear that that was the reason. For Ayumi, she can't be friends with me. Either I'm her lover or I just don't exist in her life at all. "That's why you dumped me without explaining, right?" I continued. "You just wanted to forget me, huh? You loved every minute with me! You can't forget me, Ayumi! I know you can't!"

The silence that followed felt like a post-apocalyptic world. It was silent on the other end. On my end too. I didn't think I had anything left to say, but Ayumi had after many slow seconds.

"… I didn't want to make it difficult for you."

That was the most sincere and honest explanation she'd told me. I listened to her quiet and long answer.

"If I told you that I was going to the US to study, you would definitely want to join me. I know you Yoshiki, don't try to deny it. If you were to join me without any plan and without money, I would just feel guilty. So I thought I'd just … end our relationship as soon as possible. After one last day together. That obviously went awful."

I shivered when I thought back on that day. It was the first time I'd felt genuine fury and fear.

"When we started meeting again completely unplanned, I had already lost." Her voice sounded completely broken, for the first time. "You drew me in, because you took me so far back to those days in college where I was completely free from worries and burdens. Especially after seeing how much you had grown. And that smell …"

Ah … She remembers.

"Red Mustang. The moment I felt that fragrance again, I …"

Feelings of hope and optimism overwhelmed me for only a second. She still has some sort of feelings for me, doesn't she? That's what I thought. For just a second.

"Sorry, but this is the end. Bye."

s **A/N: Oh boy … Hope to see you in the next chapter ;3**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Oh, it's my birthday today! I know, pretty irrelevant XD Anyways, here we are again. PLZ ENJOY CHAPTER 8 ;3**

"Open up already! Come on, Onii-san!"

Miki's fists against the door to my bedroom felt like pounds in my head. I bent my knees and covered my ears with my pillow. It was hard to stay calm the entire time I was with Mochida. After that, I immediately went home and buried myself in bed while Miki was still there. She clearly didn't know anything about what happened, but I had a feeling that she had an idea. If that was the case, why should I answer her? Let alone open the door. Right then, I just couldn't digest the thought of not seeing Ayumi again. It felt like it was for real this time. She was definitely not joking when she told me over the phone.

"Onii-san!" I heard her yell again. "I'm giving you an opportunity to talk things out! Stop being an idiot and eat from the hand that feeds you!"

Ugh … just make it stop already.

I had given up. I got up from the bed and sluggishly walked to open the door.

I peeked out my worn out face, making Miki's eyes opening.

"Onii-san, what …" she stuttered out. "…What happened to you?" I looked down at the floor and sniffed. "A lot of things happened, actually …" I admitted. She sighed. "I swear … If this is about Ayumi …" I bit my lip. "Long story short … I went too far with Ayumi. You told me to stop, I know. She's just too … addictive. I couldn't stop, dammit!" I hissed out, punching the wall by the bedroom door, making Miki jump.

"Wait … What? I thought the plan was to go out with that one girl? What are you doing going back to her?!" she said angrily. It was a little scary to hear her raise her voice like that. I allowed her to be angry though, because she had good reason for it.

"Onii-san. You've only made it worse for yourself. Now, a relationship with Ayumi is close to impossible to achieve now," Miki muttered, crossing her arms. Hearing her say it that bluntly really made me lose all hope. So much so that I didn't even pay attention to what she said after that. Words of goodbye just fell out of my mouth like a rhyme when they needed to, so Miki had already left before I knew it.

I fell down on my couch, returning to my depressed state.

I want to see Ayumi. I always do and I always will. It might be this infatuated mindset, but it feels like I'll never lose my feelings for her. I know she hasn't allowed herself to want me yet. That means she's scared. And for what reason? She hasn't forgotten me!

Full of feelings for her, I mustered up my courage and decided to go to confront Ayumi one last time.

And also … I made sure to spray on an extra amount of Red Mustang.

I remembered Satoshi saying that he had to work the entire night, being a surgeon and all. That's why he had to leave early when we were at the café this afternoon. That's only for the better.

I exited my car so fast that I almost forgot to lock it. I was too eager and it scared me. Why? Because I was getting my hopes up. That's exactly what Miki warned me about. I shook it off as I ran towards the door, pressing the doorbell oh too many times.

Alright. I just have to run inside at once. She'll never let me in, even if I ask her. It may sound blunt and without manner, but I have to force myself in.

I started hearing soft and pattering footsteps coming towards the door. I prepared myself by tensing up my muscles and warming up every nerve in my body. The doorknob started turning.

I can do this.

The moment I felt like my body could fit through the gap, I ran straight through. I felt my body slightly graze her tiny one on my fast way in. I could already feel it. Her anger, I mean.

"I swear to God, Yoshiki!" she shrieked out, enraged. I finally laid my eyes on her after turning around. She was in her comfy clothes; sweatpants, t-shirt and hair let down. Her face on the other hand, oozed with anything but calmness. "I'm so tired of this!"

I gasped for breath when I felt my chest tightening. She was slowly killing me. If that was how I was going to die, I would be happy with it. I took a determined grip on her tensed shoulders and said:

"I am too."

I shot my face forward trying to catch her lips, but she dodged and ran away from my arms. She was really quick on her feet, but that didn't stop me. I ran after her, finding her pressing her back against the wall in the living room.

"Do you think I'm happy this way?! That you're forcing yourself on me?!" she yelled, not wearing an angry expression anymore. This was more of a … despaired one. Was she trying to make me pity her?

"Do you think I was happy?"

"What?" she questioningly let out, her muscles not tense anymore. My breathing was getting shaky as I continued.

"Do you think I was happy when you just dumped me out of nowhere, without telling me anything about America? Do you think I was happy when you disappeared the next week without answering my calls or messages? Do you think I was happy when you showed up out of nowhere 6 years later with a fiancée?! Do you?!"

Every ounce of rage and frustration drained the power in my body, making me feel dizzy. Now I was the one making her pity me. I'm horrible. I looked at her stiff figure. She didn't say a word. The only thing about her that moved, was a tiny drop of salt water that streamed down her one eye.

"I know that I almost killed that guy who creeped up on you … That night we went to that bar together," I mumbled, the memories of the night before she dumped me came back. Just the vicious anger that came over me made me completely lose control at that time. All I wanted was to protect Ayumi from anything that tried to harm her.

"You lead me to believe that my anger issues that you left me. Right after you picked me out of custody from the prison too. But after what you told me today on the phone … That it was just because of your worries about me and our relationship …"

I walked over to her with all of my assertive advances gone. I didn't want to scare her away. I couldn't. More than anything, I had to convey what I was really feeling. I had to talk to her.

"I can't believe that you've completely erased your feelings for me," I continued and showed her a warm smile. "I can't believe that you're solely and completely in love with Mochida, do you hear me?"

Ayumi didn't give me any form of reply. She just looked up at me with an innocence, vulnerability and tears streaming down her face that I hadn't seen since we were together. The Ayumi I fell in love with. No wait …

The Ayumi I AM in love with.

"What …" She finally whimpered out. "Just what do you want from me, Yoshiki …?!" She was begging me to answer her, out of despair and frustration. I kept smiling at her and narrowed my eyes. There was no way I could lie now.

I cupped her cheek in my hand and whispered:

"You."

Without any hesitation, I leaned in one more time. Or more correctly, one last time. I knew that this would be the last time, for some reason. Was I right? Or was it wrong? Could I do this another time?

Ayumi didn't resist.

She ran both of her hands through my hair when our lips touched. I knew it. She's really feeling something. Overjoyed, I tightly embraced her, careful not to crush her. How didn't I understand it before? The few previous times I'd kissed her and even had sex with her, how didn't I realize? This is how she makes me feel. This is what she means to me.

Ayumi let out a sigh mixed with a whimper when we separated, her hands still placed on the back of my head. My hands were trembling.

"I love you," I said, noticing that my voice was trembling as well. I'm pathetic. "That hasn't changed." Ayumi's breaths moved her whole body. She looked so beautiful with tears in her eyes. I felt guilty for thinking so, but that feeling got washed away the moment she started speaking again.

"… I love you too, Yoshiki."

I had gotten small hints of proof that what she said was true previously. That she seriously didn't resist me was the strongest one. Yet, hearing her say that and for the first time be completely honest, melted my heart and soul. I realized something else too, which surprised me.

I felt completely satisfied.

I didn't have to kiss her anymore. I didn't have to get between her and Mochida. I guess all I wanted was the truth. Ayumi loves me. She loves me. And that is … enough for now. For the first time, I actually felt Miki's advice sink in.

I got up and gave Ayumi a grin.

"Be happy with Mochida from now on."

…

Yes, my real and honest desire was to be together with her. But then again like I mentioned, Miki's words finally got to me. It's like I finally know what she really meant. I tried to keep my smile even as I drove home. It was hard, though.

I grit my teeth and struggled to keep my tears back.

 **A/N: I guess it's finally over for good. Believe it or not though, the story is still not finished. Seeya next time ;3**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Second to last chapter! PLZ ENJOY ;3**

 **2 weeks later**

"Yeah, so I'll let you know when I get a confirmation from SONY. Then we'll be able to release your album in a few months. Until then, you should just soak yourself in patience."

 **A/N: Lol, I literally tried to translate a Norwegian saying XD**

I noticed Kizami getting a little bummed out, the youngster that he was. I get it, okay? It's his debut and he wants success. Seriously, with his talent and my amazing songs (yes, I said it) he definitely will receive a lot of praise and fame.

"Alright. I'll trust you on this Kishinuma-san," Kizami said, sighing. "You should," I said, chuckling. He slightly smiled and started packing his stuff. "Thanks for all the help, though. I can't wait to release it," he said. I nodded at him. Surprisingly, he was really easy to work with during the last year. I'd much rather produce some more songs for him than work with those teenage one-hit wonders who sing about tits and ass.

"Just call me when you're ready for the next one," I said, shaking his firmly and politely. He returned the handshake with respect. "Yeah … I look forward to working with you again," he returned, gave me one last smile and exited the recording studio.

I leaned back in my chair and sighed. Obviously, I've just absorbed myself in work. Yeah, I enjoy it, but I always realize how exhausted I am at the end of the work day. It was still the afternoon, but it felt like late at night. These past 2 weeks I've done everything I could to distract myself from throwbacks and flashbacks. I've been working like crazy and doing activities with Miki more than I usually do. I've been okay. Mostly.

I straightened my jacket and brushed my hair back. I don't want to push myself any further. I should probably call Miki too, maybe go out and eat with her. Just as I thought that, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. That was a first in a while. I was always the one making the calls. Who is it anyway?

I picked up my phone and shot my eyebrows up when I read the name that flashed on my screen. It was Mochida.

"Hello?" I asked calmly. Now that I had ended things with Ayumi, it felt fine to have a normal conversation with Mochida. "Hey, Kishinuma! It's been a while, hasn't it?" he excitedly said. "Heh. I guess," I answered. "So, is anything up?" "Yeah, I'll just get straight to the point; Since I haven't seen you for a few weeks, I've been thinking about having a little reunion dinner. What do you say?" he proposed.

I froze.

"Um … Just _who_ is coming actually?" I asked, scared that a reunion dinner would mean what I thought it mean. "Well obviously me and Ayumi. Oh, and Nakashima," he replied. My heart sunk. Fuck. I don't have a choice but to act professional and mature. On the other hand, he really has guts to invite the girl he slept with behind Ayumi's back. I wonder why she's really okay with it. Does she think it's justified by what … we did?

"Sounds great! Just text me the restaurant and time and I'll be there," I casually said. This was my chance to prove to Ayumi that I wouldn't chase her anymore. I was over her after all. I was just scared to meet her again, face to face. "Awesome! I'll see you there, then. Bye!"

I didn't answer. It was my way of being casual and playful. That was my excuse, because the real reason was that I just didn't want to talk to him anymore. I straightened up my jacket again and left the recording studio. For real this time. I needed to get ready.

A part of me was excited to see Ayumi again. Obviously not to flirt with her, but to start over. This time, as friends. I'm serious. She hates Red Mustang, so was wearing tons of it. I was wearing casual clothes, because I know she hates that too. On me, at least. On Mochida, she loves everything. Clearly. I took a deep breath and entered the rather fancy restaurant. Was Mochida seriously going to cover all of the courses? Do surgeons honestly make that much money?

I spotted Mochida, Ayumi and Naomi sitting by the center table, waiting for me. Fuck. Here goes. Naomi noticed me, smiled and tapped on Mochida's shoulder. He turned around and brightened up the moment he saw me.

"Kishinuma! How you doing?" he greeted me, grasping my hand in for a bro hug. Gross. "Hey," I casually said and moved on to Naomi afterwards. "Hi!" Naomi blurted out and hugged me. "Heh … Doing well, I see," I said, planting a small kiss on her cheek as we quickly hugged. Now … the professional part.

I nodded at Ayumi and quietly said: "Hi Ayumi." My eyes shifted downwards when I saw her look up at me. I'm pathetic. I can't even look her in the eyes. "Hi Yoshiki," she said in the same monotone voice. This was easier than I thought. That means that I'm really over her, huh? That makes me feel a lot better.

I sat down next to Naomi with Ayumi sitting ahead of me. I felt completely calm, even with that. Phew. "You know, this doesn't have to be all on you. Please, let me at least pay for my plate," I offered, but Mochida shook his head. "I invited you, so I'd be glad to pay for your meals," he said and smiled. He's really nice, isn't he? It's hard to accept that he actually cheated on Ayumi once, but I'm even more shocked that Ayumi would forgive him. Speaking of … I looked over at Ayumi. I nearly jumped off my seat when I saw her eyes searing into my own.

She … She was staring at me. Pretty intensely too. It wasn't a cold one, like the one she gave me at their reunion party at their house. This stare was more … I don't know. There was just something about it that was very different. I hadn't realized it then, but I'd been staring back at her for a pretty long time. Her eyes glimmered for just a second before she looked away. It felt like I finally felt a breeze after minutes with a boiling hot sun.

"I'll be back. I'm just going to wash my hands first," I said, getting up from my chair. "You're unexpectedly sanitary, Yoshiki," Naomi said, raising her eyebrow. "Pft. What do you mean by _unexpectedly_?" I said, rubbing her head. She laughed. "Just kidding, geez! Fine, but be back soon. The food will get cold," she complained. I nodded and went ahead to the unisex bathroom.

The cool water poured over my hands as I rubbed them. It felt… surprisingly nice. Calming, in a way. Ayumi seems to have switched on friend-mode, which is much appreciated. She's still in a relationship with Satoshi without fighting, so she must be at peace. That makes me feel at peace too. Seeing it like this, I'm glad I stopped my twisted relationship with Ayumi. Everyone's happy like this. Including me. I'm happy.

I'm happy.

I stiffened when I heard the door behind me open. My privacy got invaded, so it's only natural that my posture would change. Even more so when I noticed that it was Ayumi.

I grinned at her. "I'm not the only sanitary one, eh?" I said. "Mm," she answered with simplicity and silently walked to the other sink, just a foot away from me. It felt strangely intimate, but I kept my cool and turned the water off, reaching for some paper. I need to break the ice, for God's sake …

"I, uh … I hope you're doing what I asked you to do," I said, not making her react at all. She just kept her gaze faced forward without any emotion showing. "Being happy, I mean …" I explained. Still no reaction. I gulped, feeling my honesty slowly eating me up inside. I was playing with fire here. One wrong move, and I would suddenly make everything worse.

"Look, what I'm saying is …" I continued, gulping. I'm really trying to mess this up, aren't I? "I'm telling you this because I … I care about you, you know. More than I've ever cared about anyone else."

Ayumi slammed her hands against the sink to interrupt me. Was she mad? That's a sudden change in temperature. No wait, is she mad …? "For Christ's sake …" she hissed out and turned towards me. Her eyes were filled with a passion I'd never seen before. More than fear, I felt a sort of… arousal. It made me feel guilty in a way, that her looking at me this way still ignited feelings like that inside of me. Her pupils quivered when she begged:

"Just kiss me already!"

Before I could process what she had just begged me to do, she had already grasped my collar and pulled me down towards her, kissing me fiercely. Wh … What …? I was confused and angry. How dares she after begging me for so long to end our relationship? Even while thinking that, I didn't pull away. I couldn't. I was like a former alcoholic who'd been sober for years. And now I was offered a glass filled with the finest red wine I've been dying to taste. It intoxicated me to the point where it was impossible to turn back now.

2 weeks of building a bridge were completely thrown away when I pinned her against the bathroom wall.

A raging passion roared through my body, making me kiss her so roughly that I almost bit her lips off. Her legs were wrapped around my hips, so I lifted her up by her thighs, the blood rushing to my face and brain. It's all over now. There's nothing I can do. Ayumi has tempted me into her trap. Now I was completely hers.

I breathed heavily into her hot and moist mouth when we separated after what seemed like forever. "I … I'm sorry," she said, letting her feet touch the floor when I put her down. I didn't know how I was supposed to answer that, so I just remained silent. I looked at her lips and let out a laugh I tried to restrain. She furrowed her brows. "W-What is it?!" she asked, blushing.

"Your lips, they … Er … They're swollen," I hesitantly said.

We made our way out of the bathroom, making sure to keep our distance to not raise any suspicion. I really hope that this was just a one time thing. I can still care for her, just not have any physical or romantic interaction with her. Although it's not a very … peaceful solution. But it's safe.

I stopped walking when I noticed that Ayumi suddenly just stood still.

"What's wrong?" I asked, tapping her on her shoulder. Her eyes were completely frozen and her mouth was half-open. What's she looking at …? I positioned my eyesight in the direction she was looking towards and instantly understood what was going on. I just couldn't believe it.

With their hands intertwined, Naomi had her lips pressed against Mochida's as they were both sitting by our table.

How could Ayumi possibly feel right now? That thought was enough to make a forgotten rage shadow over my conscience. Fuck. It's coming and I can't help it. I know I'm being incredibly hypocritical by being so angry at Mochida, but it's not the cheating itself that was making me mad. It was how Ayumi reacted. She was crying. She was hurting.

Anyone who dares to Ayumi deserves punishment.

I ran towards them with my arms swinging in the air and roughly pushed Mochida back with an angry groan.

"What the-?!" he blurted out and fell down on the floor. I didn't care that guests around us turned their heads. I didn't care that both Naomi and Ayumi were shrieking in fear. Mochida deserves pain. He deserves pain!

I pinned him down with my legs and started punching him. "You fucking prick!" I shouted, lifting him up to my face by his collar. He looked terrified and confused at the same time. "What's wrong with you?!" he yelled, his lip bleeding. My knuckles were shaking and I could feel my eyes pop out of my skull in fury. "Oh, I'll tell you what's wrong!" I yelled back and threw him on our table, the plates and glasses breaking underneath him. He groaned in pain. I wasn't done yet. Even though some of the staff definitely was calling the police by then.

I pointed at Ayumi who was stiff with shock and in tears. "How could you do that to her?! To someone as amazing as her!? Why the fuck do you think I'm head over heels for her?!" I screamed, my saliva foaming on my bottom lip. I didn't even think twice about telling the whole world the truth then and there. Now it was Mochida who stood there in shock.

"… The hell did you say just now?" he asked. I smirked. "You heard me. I dated her in college for a pretty long time until she dumped me for America. And guess what? The previous month I've seduced her. I've kissed her. I've been fucking her brains out! And why? Because I can't stand seeing her with a fake-ass son of a bitch like you!"

It's like the whole world stood still for several hours. I felt so satisfied. I wish it lasted though.

"You … You … You bastard!"

Mochida lunged forward and finally picked up, letting out his inner violence. It made me happy. That's what my inner anger did to me. It loved violence. It loved a good fight. We let ourselves completely off the races, rolling on the floor while exchanging strong punches, kicks and pushes. It all went on for as long as I can remember. It felt like too long before two big guys in uniforms restrained me when I was completely beat. It hurt like fucking hell. My face was completely numb and my hands were swollen. Blood was rushing to my eye and a metallic taste of blood coated my front teeth. Right before I let my consciousness drift away, I saw Ayumi's stiff figure in the corner of my eye.

With tears in her eyes, a half-opened mouth and trembling body she looked at me with an expression that completely broke my heart. What have I done? My anger subsided and a strong sense of guilt filled me instead. After I closed my eyes, that song kept running through my head.

 _I see Shinozaki swaying …_

 _Her eyes are on fire and her hands are up._

 _Down on my knees and I'm singing:_

 _Ooh baby, ooh baby_

 _I am yours…_

 **A/N: Last chapter next... UNTIL THEN ;3**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Last chapter! Are you ready? Let's go! PLZ ENJOY ;3**

That mattress was killing me.

It was just lazily laid out on the stone grey floor. Stiff and uncomfortable. I deserved it after what I'd done to ruin both Mochida, Naomi and even Ayumi's life. Mochida probably got out a few days ago, since I was the one who started the fight. I beat him up pretty bad too. I think something like a broken nose and a few bruises and cuts. Me? A black eye. The inside of my mouth started bleeding too, so I would've choked on my own blood if the officers didn't take care of me. Thank god I didn't lose any of my teeth too. Hmph, what am I doing, making it seem like I'm grateful. I'm far fucking from grateful. Not only that.

I was pretty fucking ashamed as well.

I wasn't myself. I completely wrecked that guy and I didn't even feel bad until … I saw Ayumi crying. For some reason the second before I lunged towards him, I thought Ayumi would be happy if I avenged her. That she would smile and thank me for breaking his nose and cutting his lip. What the fuck was wrong with me?! I just scarred her even more. My anger really hasn't vanished, even after therapy. That's so scary to think about. Okay, I know I'll never be that angry at Ayumi to the extent of beating her. I have nightmares about hitting girls. Even if I beat up those who are a threat to me and those I care about, I … I can't be with Ayumi this way, despite wanting her so badly. Does she still want me? Nevertheless, I am a danger to her.

There's no doubt about it.

"Kishinuma."

I got up from the mattress in a flash when I heard an officer's voice from the other side of the bars. "Yes?" I politely said. I was fed up with my aggressive self. His stack of keys jingled as he picked them up and stuck one of them inside the keyhole. The door to my cell opened.

"You're free to go. Come along," he sternly said. Huh … Not too long after Mochida, then. "… Okay," I eventually answered and stuffed my pants pockets with my hands. "You had your wallet in your belongings right? You should have money for a cab, then," the officer assumed. "Mm," I mumbled as he followed me to get my wallet. I'll have to explain all of this to Miki too. Boy, what a great day this is gonna be.

"Here he is, miss."

Did Miki come, was my first thought. How did she know about the fight, in that case? It didn't make sense. The police officer gave me one last back-pat to push me forward and left, leaving me alone to figure out who he was talking to. My breath got hitched in my throat.

Ayumi's hand glided down her knee-long skirt when her big eyes met mine. Her face looked more naked than usual, so she probably didn't wear any makeup. Her hair was let down too and it felt really weird to see her less put-together than usual. Not that I minded. I was too distracted by the shock of seeing her wait for me.

"Hi," she said. "Hi," I answered. It was really quiet as we stood in front of each other right by the exit. "Do you need a ride home?" she asked. She was scarily polite to me, even though she witnessed me beating her fiancée up. It made me feel like something else was going to happen. Something bad of course. And I'm pretty sure she's breaking it off with me. For real, this time.

"…Could you?"

Nothing was said during the ride, so I was left with many of remaining unanswered questions. What happened with Mochida? Was she okay? What was going to happen after we arrived by the apartment building? Well, the last one was actually answered, though. She joined me inside for no particular reason. "I am a little tired. Aren't you?" she had asked me. I wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible so I just went with it. I already knew that she was going to break up with me. Why?

"This is exactly what happened last time," I mumbled, sitting down on the couch. Ayumi was still walking around in my living room, but turned around to face me when I finally talked after many empty minutes of silence.

"You picked me up when I got out of custody, drove me home and dumped me right then and there," I summed up in less than 5 seconds. She sighed with her mouth closed and looked at me with furrowed eyebrows. Was this regret that I was seeing? Why would It matter anyway? "Why don't you just get it over with?" I asked, my voice breaking and gazing downwards. My elbows were leaning against my thighs and I was hovering forward. I didn't want to look at her, because that would push me over the edge. "Just dump me. Forget m—

"Yoshiki."

I jumped when I suddenly felt a pair of cold hands on my shoulders. Yeah, they were cold, but … I felt warmth. Her voice, her position. Everything just oozed everything but coldness. Her forehead gently touched mine and I could even feel her breath hit my nose and my top lip. No. Don't draw me in just to throw me away afterwards. I won't be heartbroken again. I won't!

"Marry me."

For a moment, the world stopped spinning. Just for a moment. Mochida? Yeah, what about him? She's going to marry him. Me? Why me? I don't get it! I wanted to say all of this, but … The shock got the better of me. The only thing I could do, was finally look into her eyes. I instantly saw a subtle fear in her.

"Sorry. I just had to say it, because it's what I really want," she said, smiling sadly. My heart just melted when she gently caressed my hair with both of her tiny hands. "B-But … I don't get it," I stuttered out. I really didn't. She was still engaged, wasn't she? I even let my anger issues get the better of me for the 1000th time, completely ruining my chances with her. But I guess not? I … I'm just lost.

Ayumi breathed out a saddened laugh and shook her head. "I'm pathetic, aren't I … Being in love with you for so long and still being in denial," she whispered, making my eyes widen. What was that? She noticed my reaction and broke into an angry expression. "D-Don't tell me you didn't know! I even told you I love you!" she blurted out. Her hands on my cheeks were trembling. "I-I remember!" I hastily answered, sounding ridiculous. "I just don't really get it. If you … love me, why did you … All this time you …" I couldn't even speak. A breakdown was coming soon, I could feel it.

"Yoshiki, I … You made me angry," Ayumi started, running her fingers through my hair. "I thought I had control over my feelings when I met you again, but that scent … Red Mustang," she painfully let out. I took a hold of her hands and removed them from my cheeks, holding them instead. She looked at me and whispered: "Ever since day 1, you've always been the only one for me. But when Satoshi came around, seeming like the perfect straight-A guy I felt like a relationship with him would be safer. I thought he would get my life back on track after that horrible breakup. I was feeling so guilty and sad after separating like that, so I just desperately needed someone to tell me that I wasn't a bad person. Then you came around again, tempting me do go back to the best years of my life …I know that you have a huge temper, but I also know that you'll never harm the ones who are important you."

Sweet nothings. That's what they were. Honest sweet nothings that I'd been wanting to hear for as long as I can remember. A person who truly understood me and didn't just judge me based on my bad sides. I finally understood the true meaning of love right then and there. And it made my body go numb.

"What … What about Mochida?" I asked, finally calming down. "Don't worry. I've cleaned up things … hopefully," she mumbled, chuckling. The hint of guilt in her giggling wasn't surprising. "So in other words," she continued, looking up at me with begging eyes. "This is the first time I've chosen something for myself, and myself only." "What would that choice be?" I asked, cupping her cheek. I felt tears build up in my eyes when I saw an honest smile on Ayumi's face.

"You."

I squeezed her petite body in my arms, finally releasing tears I'd been holding in for way too long. "Ayumi …! I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you so much!" I hissed out, throwing away my masculinity in a heartbeat. I was willing to be weak when I was with her, because she was too good for me. Way too good for me. However, I still felt worthy of her. Ayumi laughed and buried her lips in the nape of my neck. "I love you too…" she whispered in between kisses. "Too much …" That was the one moment that really made me feel exactly like I did during my college days. Requited love, passion and intimacy. It all was in place. Now I knew for sure that it was real. That time where I thought it had ended, was just an introduction to a stronger relationship with her. So was the month worth struggle and pain worth it?

I opened my eyes ever so slightly as we embraced and felt around her cold hands. I shed even more tears when I noticed something even more relieving.

Ayumi wasn't wearing her ring.

Yes. Yes, it was worth it.

 **A/N: Thank you so much for reading "Red Mustang!" I've lost most of my readers, which is really sad. I can't blame anyone but myself for being away for so long. As for the next story ... I don't know. I'm currently pretty blank and I don't have any ideas for another story. Not yet, at least. I hope you won't hate me because of this and I hope I'll get some inspiration soon! UNTIL THEN ;3**

 **SENPAI'S BOO IS OUT ;3**


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